Mold in Me

The heart knows its own bitterness,
And a stranger does not share its joy.
Proverbs 14:10 (NKJV)  


“What does it feel like?” friends have asked me. Mold is hard to explain and difficult to describe, so I will try to paint a picture for you, dear praying sister. Everyone who goes through the valley of mold has a unique experience, but this is how it feels for me…

  • Mold feels like a scary mystery.
  • Mold feels like a truck ran over me every morning.
  • Mold feels like I can only process one thing at a time.
  • Mold feels like I get upset for no apparent reason.
  • Mold feels like I need new glasses.
  • Mold feels like I’ve been working on my next book for years because of brain fog.
  • Mold feels like I can’t plan a trip to see family because that takes too much thought.
  • Mold feels like writing down every thought or else I will forget it.
  • Mold feels like never finishing my to-do list.
  • Mold feels like a broken record crying, “Heal me, O Lord.” 
  • Mold feels like a bad dream.
  • Mold feels like extreme weariness.
  • Mold feels like sleepless nights and endless aches.
  • Mold feels like getting up every two hours to use the restroom, praying, “At midnight I rise to give You thanks because of Your righteous laws.”
  • Mold feels like getting up at 3:30 a.m. for quiet time with Jesus since I can’t sleep.  
  •  
  • Mold feels like cancer without the fancy label.
  • Mold feels like dizziness when I stand suddenly.
  • Mold feels like knots in the back of my neck.
  • Mold feels like itchy skin and blotchy areas that come and go.
  • Mold feels like chapped lips and sores inside my mouth.
  • Mold feels like lower back pain that goes all the way down my legs to my feet.
  • Mold feels like numb fingers and toes.
  • Mold feels like I often loose my grip.
  • Mold feels like being anointed with oil and having great hope, only to feel awful the next day.  
  •  
  • Mold feels like an elephant sitting on my lungs.
  • Mold feels like a sneeze and a sniffle.
  • Mold feels like not wanting to even move.
  • Mold feels like making myself walk in all-weather because movement is key to moving out the mold.
  • Mold feels like dizziness as soon as I come inside from my walks.
  • Mold feels like Peter’s wife Eden on the Chosen, wondering when will my healing come?  
  •  
  • Mold feels like a pain.
  • Mold feels like an ice pick up my tail bone.
  • Mold feels like the worst cramps ever.
  • Mold feels like a rock in my stomach.
  • Mold feels like a twisting tummy ache.
  • Mold feels like a stab in my liver.
  • Mold feels like my husband on his knees by our bed every night, crying out to God.  
  •  
  • Mold feels like a wilted flower.
  • Mold feels like my body reacts to everything.
  • Mold feels like giving up all my favorite foods, yet still I feel sick.
  • Mold feels like getting confused over all the different lists of foods to avoid or to eat.
  • Mold feels like watching others eat the yummy birthday cake I just baked for them.
  • Mold feels like nausea so I eat something, then nausea because I ate something.
  • Mold feels like reaching out to touch Jesus’ robe, and yet I can’t quite reach.  
  •  
  • Mold feels like having the answer, but 100 more questions.
  • Mold feels like drinking gallons of water a day to flush out the toxins.
  • Mold feels like going to the restroom every hour because the mycotoxins destroyed my bladder lining.
  • Mold feels like taking tons of magnesium to make sure food actually moves through me.
  • Mold feels like I’m pregnant every evening with a swollen gut.
  • Mold feels like being curled up with a heating pad and Jesus every morning.  
  •  
  • Mold feels like loneliness.
  • Mold feels like missing the party because I don’t feel well.
  • Mold feels like saying good-bye to all my hobbies. 
  • Mold feels like throwing away my home in hopes I will get well.
  • Mold feels like renter’s insurance is useless as it doesn’t cover mold.
  • Mold feels like I’m still sick even after throwing away my home.
  • Mold feels like hopelessness, though I keep hoping.  
  •  
  • Mold feels like no one understands.
  • Mold feels like looking into the bewildered eyes of my husband who has prayed every prayer.
  • Mold feels like a pat on the shoulder from our youngest son who has only known his mom in pain.
  • Mold feels like watching our youngest son get nose bleed after nose bleed.
  • Mold feels like wondering why our youngest son can’t eat like his grown-up siblings.
  • Mold feels like crying again when his test results are worse than mine.
  • Mold feels like thanking God for friends who care.
  • Mold feels like an unanswered prayer.
  • Mold feels like I’m slowly dying, though I still smile.
  • Mold feels like tears in the bathroom where no one sees.
  • Mold feels like spending all my livelihood on supplements yet being healed by none.
  • Mold feels like giving up but pressing on.
  • Mold feels like sharing in the sufferings of Christ.  
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  • Mold feels like because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
  • Mold feels like saying, “Get thee hence, satan… I shall not die but live and declare the works of the Lord!”
  • Mold feels like hoping, enduring, persevering, and praying, because tomorrow may be the day Jesus heals my family and me.  

Today’s TEA CUPP:  Dear one, if you found this website because you have mold in your home, I’m so sorry.  I know how miserable you must be.  I’m reading the book of Job in my Bible right now. God’s Word expresses exactly how I’m feeling.  I encourage you to stay in God’s Word, read Job, read the Psalms, read the promises of Jesus in the Gospels; and soon, very soon, by the grace of God and the blood of Jesus, we shall all be made well!  

Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.
Even so, I will defend my own ways before Him. Job 13:15

Rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer.  Romans 12:12 (NKJV)

One thing that might tickle you tea-lovers… the doctor said to drink several cups of green tea and dandelion tea a day to help with detox!  How’s that for God’s grace and sense of humor in our trials?!  

Oh, that my grief were fully weighed,
And my calamity laid with it on the scales!
…For the arrows of the Almighty are within me…
Job 6:2-4 (NKJV)    

After several years of visiting doctors, Jennifer Grace was finally diagnosed with Ochratoxin A in September 2022. In October 2022, her home was tested and found to have Aspergillus and Penicillin molds.  An “expert” came to test the house again in November 2022, opening the attic and cellar accesses, releasing additional mold spores which drove her family from their rental home.  In December 2022, they tossed over 7000 pounds of belongings, put keepsakes in storage, and moved temporarily to a guest house. Their family continues to pray for healing and a home with a barn for 3 cats, 3 goats, and 26 chickens. Thank you for praying!!!    

Look on my affliction and my pain, And forgive all my sins. Psalm 25:18 (NKJV)  

Why is my pain perpetual and my wound incurable, Which refuses to be healed?… Jeremiah 15:18 (NKJV)  

...I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; surely I will heal you…. 2 Kings 20:5 (NKJV)

And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away. Revelation 21:4 (NKJV)

If today’s post was of interest, you might also like to read Heal Me, O Lord and Mold Overturned my Table and My Tears in God’s Bottle.   I also recommend this doctor’s website and book: Dr. Crista. And you will love listening to the healing verses from God’s Word read by Dodie Osteen…  

Scripture from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson.

But we see Jesus

But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, for the suffering of death crowned with glory and honor, that He, by the grace of God, might taste death for everyone. Hebrews 2:9 (NKJV)

But we see Jesus... these four words from God’s Word have been filling my thoughts during the past few months.  As we endured the hardships of a mold evacuation and relocation, we have seen Jesus at work in our lives.  From my husband’s knee to two Gideon Bilbes to our milking goat, we have seen the miracles of Jesus.

…nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are upon You. 2 Chronicles 20:12 (NIV)

But we see Jesus… in my husband’s knee… In early November, my husband Kent’s knee started feeling funny at a Thursday Taekwondo workout with our youngest son Joel. By the next day, it was swollen to three times its normal size and he could barely walk.  We attended our Friday fellowship that evening where they laid hands on his knee for over half an hour and prayed for him in Jesus’ Name.  While they were praying, his knee visibly shrank, but still had a little swelling. The next day it was still sore and Kent thought one of the titanium screws from his 2002 surgery had pulled loose.  We found his old brace and he started wearing that, continuing all his farm chores, snow shoveling and working.  One day after about a week, my husband forgot to wear his brace to work and never put it on again! But the knee was still swollen in the evenings, so he kept his December doctor appointment where he had the surgery twenty years ago.  The doctor took four X-rays and said, “It’s just arthritis! Keep doing what you’re doing, working, walking, hiking, doing Taekwondo and all. All the screws are in place!  Staying active is the best thing.”  And so, we praised Jesus for this amazing healing, especially at a time when we needed a little extra good news!  🙏🥰

Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always. Remember the wonders He has done, His miracles, and the judgments He pronounced.  1 Chronicles 16:11-12, Psalm 105:4-5 (NKJV)

But we see Jesus… in two Gideon Bibles… The morning after our final mold evacuation, we awoke at a guest house, so thankful for beds, mattresses, and quilts for a good night’s sleep.  Yet now it was morning when I like to have my quiet time with Jesus.  All of our books had been thrown away because of mold spores, but I could not let my Bible be tossed out with all the notes in the margins and prayers for family and friends.  So my Bible was packed into one of the many boxes that went to storage.  How could I have my morning tea time with Jesus?  He had a plan!

Way back in 2011, when we first left church camp ministry to begin caring for guest houses, we had asked a friend who is a Gideon if he had some Bibles we could place in the houses for which we caretake.  Our friend was glad to provide the Bibles and we placed them in two of the guest houses.  Only the Lord knew that years later, we would be homeless and the owners would so graciously let us stay in one of these very guest houses. That morning after our evacuation, I went to the bedside table where I thought the Bibles might be, and sure enough, the two Gideon Bibles were still there! One for me and one for my husband!  Kent said most of Ephesians and Galatians were missing from his, we hope a guest enjoyed those so much he wanted to take them home!  And so, I never missed a morning of reading my Bible, because 11-1/2 years before we had placed Gideon Bibles in the very guest house that we would someday visit as “homeless” people on a cold winter day.  And now a friend has given us new Bibles, too. God is so good!

I rejoice at Your word
As one who finds great treasure.  Psalm 119:162 (NKJV)

But we see Jesus… in our milking goat…  And here is one last story you will like… we first got the goats because Joel can’t digest cows’ milk. Our goats have been such a blessing with the mama Gloria producing enough milk for Joel and sharing with others. However, with everything going on in November, we thought we should dry-up our mama goat to make our move easier. Kent reduced the grain and started milking less, but she kept producing! Gloria would not dry-up, she kept giving milk! And so, Kent started giving her the usual amount of grain again and she is in full production, being milked twice a day. Joel has plenty of milk to drink and we have extra to share… it’s like the flour and oil that were never used up during the famine in 1 Kings 17! God is so very good! 💗🐐🥛

For the jar of flour was not used up and the jug of oil did not run dry, in keeping with the word of the Lord spoken by Elijah. 1 Kings 17:16 (NIV)

But we see Jesus… in the love of brothers and sisters…  thank you so much for all your care and prayers. My tears in God’s bottle are now tears of joy! We thank Jesus for you!

 I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy. Philippians 1:3-4 (NIV)

But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, for the suffering of death crowned with glory and honor, that He, by the grace of God, might taste death for everyone (Hebrews 2:9 (NKJV). O Jesus, we see you… this is our story! We see You! For like Stephen, the clouds have parted, the heavens are open, You are sitting at the right hand of the Father, saying, “Hold on a little longer.”

Today’s TEA CUPP:  Read 2 Chronicles 20 for an amazing prayer, story, and promises from God’s Word.  Keep looking to HIM, Jesus loves you so much, dear sister!  He sees you and cares about you.  He knows exactly what’s going on in your life right now. Keep looking to Yehovah God, Yeshua Messiah, Our Lord and Savior!

Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2 (NKJV)

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2 (NIV)

If disaster comes upon us—sword, judgment, pestilence, or famine—we will stand before this temple and in Your presence (for Your name is in this temple), and cry out to You in our affliction, and You will hear and save.  2 Chronicles 20:9 (NKJV)

…Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God’s. 2 Chronicles 20:15 (NKJV)

 You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord, who is with you… 2 Chronicles 20:17 (NKJV)

...Praise the Lord,
For His mercy endures forever. 2 Chronicles 20:21 (NKJV)

But my eyes are upon You, O God the Lord;
In You I take refuge;
Do not leave my soul destitute.  Psalm 141:8 (NKJV)

Therefore I will look to the Lord;
I will wait for the God of my salvation;
My God will hear me.  Micah 7:7 (NKJV)

The cherubim spread out their wings above, and covered the mercy seat with their wings. They faced one another; the faces of the cherubim were toward the mercy seat.  Exodus 37:9 (NKJV)

Scripture from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica

My Tears in God’s Bottle

You number my wanderings;
Put my tears into Your bottle;
Are they not in Your book?
Psalm 56:8 (NKJV)

 Mattresses outside the door… a garbage bag split open spilling books onto the frozen ground… trailers weighted down so much the tires are compressed… 33 years of belongings headed to the dump… the framed wedding picture, the toddler ride-on toys, the school books, the bunkbeds, the easy chair (nothing is easy, who gave it that name?) … even a 54-year-old teddy bear… all waiting in our yard for dump day. But the Lord must have been smiling down on us, for the sun shown on this January day, He sent helpers, and the massive haul to the transfer station was completed.

Just two weeks before, the temperatures had plummeted far below zero. The snow sculpted the landscape, biting bare fingers. “No one should have to evacuate for mold in winter!” we cried! Thank you, Jesus, for warming Montana by 70 degrees, from 30 below to 40 above! Thank you for this lull in the weather to bring my brother and other helpers. Thank you for all the dear ones who are praying for us!

God’s Cloud has definitely lifted from our home on Dry Creek Road, and we are following Jesus where He leads us, our next stop being a temporary guest house. Turns out that Dry Creek may have been dry, but the ground around our rental house was not. All the irrigation water from uphill came right to our cellar, which, combined with attic problems, created a mold sandwich with our family in the middle! So, all the mold-spore-infested-sandwich-fixings were strewn outside the door, awaiting their doom at the dump.

My dear husband still has the garage and barn to finish sorting, tossing, packing and cleaning. He could use a hand if you have one, or two. There is nothing more depressing than throwing away all your belongings, but if you have company, the job is lighter. For God tells us to bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. Thank you to my brother and dear friends who have already come to our rescue. God bless you all!

We are counting our blessings. The other evening I left our borrowed house in a borrowed truck wearing borrowed clothes and realized that even our very breaths are borrowed from the Lord until He calls us home. And so I thank Him for dear praying friends, a box of notecards, a new prayer shawl, new Bibles for our family, a bag of sweaters, a winter coat, a home for our kitties, grocery deliveries, a surprise envelope, sheets for the new mattresses we will have someday, school supplies for our son, bits of cheer, packing and sorting, cleaning and delivering appliances to the thrift store, a trailer loan, a truck loan, a guest house loan, loading and unloading, a love offering, a phone call, a text, an email, a smile, a note, a prayer… thank you, dearest Jesus for taking care of us with all these dear ones. Bless each one! And we thank You in advance, Lord Jesus, for the next home You are preparing for us… please remember the barn for the animals and a garden, and please heal us. Thank you, Jesus, You know what we need before we even ask!

Today’s TEA CUPP:   A tent or a cottage, why should I care? They’re building a palace for me over there; Though exiled from home, yet still may I sing: All glory to God, I’m a child of the King (Hattie E. Buell, 1877).

p.s. Please keep praying for our healing and new home. God bless you!!! 

…I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; surely I will heal you… 2 Kings 20:5 (NKJV)

Hear my prayer, O Lord, And give ear to my cry; Do not be silent at my tears; For I am a stranger with You, A sojourner, as all my fathers were. Psalm 39:12 (NKJV)

I am weary with my groaning;
All night I make my bed swim;
I drench my couch with my tears.  Psalm 6:6 (NKJV)

Those who sow in tears
Shall reap in joy. Psalm 126:5 (NKJV)

Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5 (NKJV)

My new temporary Daniel window with borrowed mug and Gideon Bible and dish towel prayer shawl.  

…she has washed My feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head. Luke 7:44 (NKJV)

For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him.  Matthew 6:8 (NKJV)

You shall laugh at destruction and famine…
You shall know that your tent is in peace. Job 5:22-24 (NKJV)

I am weary with my crying;
My throat is dry;
My eyes fail while I wait for my God.  Psalm 69:3 (NKJV)

You have fed them with the bread of tears,
And given them tears to drink in great measure.  Psalm 80:5 (NKJV)

…And the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces... Isaiah 25:8 (NKJV)

The voice of weeping shall no longer be heard in her,
Nor the voice of crying.  Isaiah 65:19 (NKJV)

Oh, that my head were waters,
And my eyes a fountain of tears,
That I might weep day and night
For the slain of the daughter of my people!  Jeremiah 9:1 (NKJV)

Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson.

Mold Overturned My Table

…and overturned the tables. John 2:15 

How is everyone doing today?  Has your life been overturned this past year by illness, or job changes, or death of a loved one?  Are you feeling a lot like Job who had his life overturned in a single day?  Please let me tell you my story…

It seems that my tea has spilled again.  Almost three years ago my tea spilled when our granddaughter was diagnosed with cancer. We joyfully celebrated her survival last June.  But now our lives have been spilled and overturned once again, knocking over not just my teacup but the whole table!

So, what happened?  The most mysterious illness of all… mold!  We are learning that the symptoms of mold mimic so many other conditions that doctors are slow to discover it.  Once you finally know, you’ve been living in the mold situation so long that your health is even worse.  The only action is to get out! The mold spores are what makes us sick. 

Mold is a fire without flames, a hurricane without winds, an invisible plague that invades lungs, guts, joints and brain cells.  Our home we anointed with hyssop and grape juice at Passover is now condemned. We have to throw away most of our belongings. Every book and pillow, every picture frame, lamp, sofa and bed… it all must go in a dumpster because of mold spores.  I must say good-bye to my Daniel window, my Jesus spot, my Bible, my prayer journal and my hymnal.  It will all be no more.  

My son Joel and I were discussing how you can’t take anything to heaven.  The Lord is just letting us experience that a little bit early.  But usually you have the joy of being in heaven when that happens!  Our hearts empathize with all those who have been through house fires (my in-laws), floods (my parents), hurricanes (the people of Florida), forest fires (my prayer friend Laurie), and many others!  Oh, how these disasters bring us closer to the ONE who provides for us all.

This fall I was asked to write a bio for the back of my new book, More TEA CUPP Prayers (please pray it will still come out spring 2023!).  I looked for ideas on the backs of my other two books, My TEA CUPP Prayers and Mom’s TEA CUPP Prayers But then I realized how much God has pruned me these past few years.  

My TEA CUPP Prayers explains, “Jennifer Grace is an author, speaker, blogger, homeschool mom and grandma, Sunday school teacher, tutor, but most of all, God’s child and prayer warrior.  Mom’s TEA CUPP Prayers says, “Jennifer Grace is a wife, mom, grandma, runner, scrapbooker, prayer warrior, but most of all, God’s child.”  

What has He pruned?  Speaking engagements left when covid hit.  Blogging slowed down with my health.  The Lord called us to be Sabbath keepers, so we now worship on Saturday. He called us to home church, so I don’t teach the little kids anymore.  He took away my health so I couldn’t run.  And now He is even taking my scrapbooks.  Yet, I am still a wife, mom, grandma, and author, and I will always and forever be a prayer warrior and a daughter of the King of kings.  

And so we leave, not even with the clothes on our backs, for those also will be thrown away, showering and changing at a laundromat.  We relocate to a safe guest house and pray for the Lord to provide and guide us in our next steps.  Seems like this would be the time to take that trip around the country (especially to dry climates) in an RV and be witnesses for Jesus Christ.  The Lord knows the harvest is plentiful but the laborers are few.  Could this be the open door that no one can shut through which we must walk?  Please pray for us!

  • Please pray for…
  • Jesus to guide our next steps.
  • Healing for our bodies.
  • The provision of a home or RV.
  • Comfort for our children.
  • That Jesus is glorified even in this!

The words of Job 1:21 and Habakkuk 3:17-18 come to mind… The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord…. Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls—Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation.

Today’s TEA CUPP:  Will you please pray for me and my family this Christmas?  Thank you, dear one!  Your prayers are a blessing. The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you.  The Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.  Love, Jennifer Grace

P.S.  Matthew 6:25-34 is encouraging!  Check it out!

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:33-34 (NKJV)

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.  Matthew 6:18-20 (NKJV)

Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5 (NKVJ)

And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head.Matthew 8:20 (NKJV)

And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19 (NKJV)

A few mold resources:  https://paradigmchange.me/stories/https://momsaware.org/

We had to give away our dear Lucy Lamb, the first of many sad good-byes…

Scripture from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson