Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12 (NKJV)
We have three babies in heaven now. Gloria Anne was inside me almost three months before going to be with Jesus last July. When she left this earth, I almost went with her, losing so much blood that an ambulance was needed. Angelica May stayed just two months inside me before going to heaven. Her miscarriage was so long, from mid October to December of last year. Then just a few weeks ago we lost Gabriella Hope. She was barely a whisper of life at seven weeks, going straight to the arms of Jesus.
And so our hearts are heavy with sorrow again. Why do these things happen? My dear friend Lorinda sang this song at church yesterday: “If this is what God wants.” The chorus helps me through this part of my story…
If this is what God wants
If this is what God says
Then who I am to doubt
Or try to figure out this circumstance?
If this is what God chose for me
In all His majesty
Then surely I can trust and lean on what God says
And I search God’s Word for comfort…
My frame was not hidden from You
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in Your book
before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:15-16 (NIV)
“In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (NIV)
Therefore you now have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you. John 16:22 (NKJV)
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Revelation 7:17 (NKJV)
I cling to Jesus and His promises. His eyes saw our babies’ unformed bodies. I look forward to that day in heaven when there will be no more sorrow or tears. As I ponder all our babies in heaven, God reminds me of this verse…
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.” Matthew 16:19-20 (NKJV)
And I imagine our three treasures in heaven…three precious babies in the arms of Jesus…waiting for me and their Daddy and big sister and brothers, and all their relatives to come someday.